Day 27 and I think I’m starting to make a transition in this job. I no longer feel like I am simply making it through the day. At lunch I don’t think “I just have to survive the third block and I am done.” The nervousness that I was feeling in the morning has passed.
But I still have a long way to go (and I know I always will and it’s my first year so that’s normal, but I am aware of it all the same). For the most part when I give direct instruction (usually setting the stage for something new) all of my students are focused (or at least quiet and writing notes). Today they were a little antsy and I had to call them back to attention several times, but generally they have that down. But when I give group and individual tasks they struggle greatly. If they don’t know how to do something, their response is typically not to ask for help from me or a neighbor but to simply talk. Even when I remind them what they should be doing they say okay and then return to being off-task. The past few days I have been giving detention to the worst offenders for this. I do not know what else to do. I cannot make them do the work or try but I cannot have them continually distracting the others who are trying.
And in the complete opposite direction, when some of them are trying they are so reluctant to try anything alone or are so lost that I have the entire class asking for help at once and I am overwhelmed with requests and they are not a patient bunch. I have been attempting to teach them that when they need help they ask their neighbor and if their neighbor cannot help they should raise their hand and wait in their seat. We aren’t great at that yet, but luckily I have learned and built far more patience in my lifetime than they yet have. We will keep working on it.
I am very, very tired. I felt tired yesterday and I feel tired again today. I am grateful that it is the weekend not because I dislike my job or don’t want to be here but simply have worked very hard this week and deserve some rest.
At least until tomorrow. I have some papers to grade and some lessons to plan.
I can truly rest when I’m dead.
Or at least during next summer.